a post by maddie

TW: suicide, self harm, depression, bullying

hi my name is Maddie. When I was around 10 or 11 I started having suicidal thoughts. Life was a lot and I really didn’t get the attention I needed. I tried to reach out but was told I was crazy. I kept this a secret for a while. When I was 12 I started self-harming. TW:

I started cvtting. I found it as a way out and I thought it helped. This continued for a while.

One day when I was 13 I finally had enough and had decided to go to my school guidance counselor.

Of course, they told my mom and I was taken out of school for a bit. I was definitely relieved because I had been masking for 3 years. It was a lot. Soon enough I was put into iop*. I met a great group of people and love my therapist who I trust a lot. At the end of 14ish I tried to stop self harm with the help of my iop group. At 14, now I am now almost 6 whole months clean!! After summer of 2022 it all got bad again. I think summer was kinda a get away

because the weight of being in school with my depression was a lot.

Summer was a getaway and I was happy to feel “normal.”

But unfortunately it all went back.

I now feel super stuck and annoyed.

I haven’t been in school for over a month and they had decided to take me out of iop and put me in Php**. Php was not right for me and I didn’t like it. I was mad all the time and would scream and yell at the therapist there.

I do get bullied and teased a lot for my scars. I feel like society thinks scars are ok until they are puffy, pink, or slightly noticeable. Which is definitely unfair. I try to not be embarrassed or ashamed, but I definitely am. I know this story isn’t motivating. But I am sorry. Ok!

That’s where I’m at now.

Thanks for listening to my story!

(:

*iop = intensive outpatient program

**php = partial hospitalization program